My Dream Within A Dream

My Lovely Dream Within A Dream

05.12.2017

I wakened this morning in pain. Just like yesterday. Just like the day before. Just like last year. My bones were crying out for medication that would take a hour to really kick in and even longer to even the pain out to a manageable level. There was no point in staying in bed now I was awake as the pain would just seem amplified without distractions. But one thing I asked for in my morning prayers was to simply have some time free from pain but to still be alive. ( You have to be careful what you wish for- ‘Great Spirit, could you take away my pain?’ Great Spirit ..’Of course my child…welcome to the afterlife’)

I cannot remember the last time that I wasn’t in pain. Sometimes it can be controlled but sometimes it is so severe I could cry. When it is controlled it is still there, lurking, waiting on a lack of distraction, or waiting till that half hour before medication is due again. So asking to be without pain for even a wee while is kind of top of my list some mornings.

To cut a longer story shorter, I returned to bed for a nap after a few hours of stiffness that refused to go away and pain that seemed to be in every joint and bone in my body. I hoped that I would fall asleep as I was exhausted. I did.

Next thing I knew I was sitting up in bed in a very white room and I realised that for the first time in many years I was not in pain. As I tried to push myself up out of the bed I literally took off flying towards the ceiling of the room. Only thought slowed me down in time not to bash my head. I stayed up there while realizing that I was weightless with no harsh pain. So I flew across the room and back again. When I was sure I could fly without effort I remember thinking -bloody hell, I am not going to waste this new found skill on flying, I want to dance. And so I did . I danced about the room never touching the ground or the walls or ceiling every move so easy and delightfully agile and beautiful. After a few minutes of this I looked out of the window to a dark blue starry night and without worry or thought of danger I opened the window and danced out of it.

The adventure then started . I danced in the sky and danced on top of the buildings , never once putting a foot down and never once in pain. I did steps that I hadn't used since contemporary dance classes in the 1980’s. There was no music but the art was all in the dance and my freedom was so beautiful. At one point I looked down and was afraid people would see me. In my head a voice said ‘they will not.’ and looking back to where I came from it looked like the old Royal Infirmary in Glasgow. I could see the window I still open.

After hours of dancing and enjoying the freedom of no pain or stiffness I realized that I should go back. The next thing I felt was a small hand in mine and I was in the bed I had left. Then I felt another small hand in mine. They felt like both my daughters hands as toddlers. Yet when I looked both my daughters were grown up and sitting beside my bed. The elder daughter spoke and said she would get the doctor. She said that I had my operation and had been unconscious for five and a half hours and that everyone was very ,very concerned. My younger daughter was in tears and couldn’t speak. I remember feeling sorry that they were so upset but feeling the joy of having been alive but not in pain, even if it had been a dream caused by anaesthesia of some sort for my operation.

Then a felt myself coming away from the hospital room and wakening up in this reality with two snoring dogs keeping me warm. I knew it was this reality because the pain was back.

I feel elated still. I can remember the weightless, painless dancing in the dream within a dream. And I thank Great Spirit for giving me time without pain while still being alive! Many blessings, Colette

Grandmother Winds of the Earth